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8: How to give yourself closure when a relationship or marriage ends

Closure - something we want from someone else, but really only need from within. 

So often a coaching session with a new client will start with "I just feel like I can't move on until I get closure". My answer is always the same; "Sure you can. What do you feel you need closure on? Let's figure out why you feel you need that and how you can give that to yourself. 

KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE:

  • What is closure by definition? It's a feeling of being satisfied with an explanation or an understanding of what happened.
  • Pretty much all of us want it at some point but very few of us get it. Or at least not how we envision it. We want validation, answers, explanations and to understand why. Most likely any such conversation will be much the same as any communication has been between the two of you on relationship issues.
  • Here’s what I want you to really hear: You WANT them to say they are sorry and to apologize for what they did and acknowledge the pain they have caused you - but you don’t NEED it. 🤯
  • You CAN and will heal, forgive and move forward without this conversation happening at all, but it will be harder if it's a bad conversation.
  • Stop giving your power away to someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart anymore.
  • How can you give yourself closure? 
    • Think of it as part of the healing journey and something you give yourself in stages.
    • Redefine closure in a way that keeps it within your power of doing. 
    • Try out some new perspectives.
  • See the current relationship patterns (ie codependency) and how they are showing up as you seek closure.

 

  • You might get an apology but that doesn’t take away the pain. For that to happen the work has to turn inward - it really is an "inside job."

 

 

  • Love yourself enough to turn to yourself for closure. Believe in yourself enough to do the work. Trust yourself enough to know that you are enough

I have been wanting to talk about this with you for a while and am so glad we have now had this conversation. This comes up so often inside the Rising Free Membership and we always work through this together with whomever needs it that day. How would you like to be part of these conversations and this work? Doing it with coaching and guidance from me along with the support of the other women who are listening, caring for you and loving you as they support you and each other on this journey. Remember this is all about relationships and most importantly your relationship with yourself. So give yourself the time, the gift of healing among others so you can nurture this relationship in a safe space with the coaching and love and community that you need.